The future of civilization rests in the fate of the One Ring, which has been lost for centuries. Now, New Line Cinema brings to cinematic life the epic adventure of good against evil, The Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring, a heroic quest set in a time of uncertainty in the land of Middle-earth. Tolkien's literary masterpiece The Lord of the Rings has influenced generations of readers worldwide and continues to captivate new fans around the globe. Just ignore him for now, as he won't actually get any screen time until part two.J.R.R.
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Also, everyone's dead, which is too bad because the gang brought a huge plate of calamari that's totally going to go to waste because seafood doesn't save well.ġ:49:26: Frodo goes full Rockwell and Gandalf's like "Oh yeah, that Gollum is a stage-five clinger. It's the best face-change jump scare since Large Marge, and the audience gasps in jittery delight.ġ:45:43 - 1:47:45: Gimli's all "Get hyped, dudes, because my boy Balin throws the most epic house parties in Middle-earth." Unfortunately, he forgot to text his cousin ahead of time and the Fellowship realizes they're about seven years too late to the shindig. The edible is still going strong so I decide not to re-up with another half-wedge.ġ:34:39: One of the French-horn performers cranes his neck to watch Bilbo's face turn evil as he reaches for the ring. My husband and I make our own daunting journey to the bathroom, our legs as heavy as the One Ring. The crowd applauds the orchestra and the chorus. I want to know which strain they pre-funked with.ġ:33:30: We make it to intermission. Methinks my neighbors may be stoned, too.ġ:32:20: "And my axe!" My neighbors laugh some more. I'm confused until I remember the internet meme. One of the boys stands up to solo while Gandalf whispers, "Get me the eff out of here" to the butterfly, and his flawless voice fills the symphony hall.ġ:28:13: Legolas outs Strider as Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and Boromir's all "Oh crap, I've been throwing shade at my friggin' king this whole time?!"ġ:30:00: Boromir utters the line, "One does not simply walk into Mordor" and the group to my right (which possibly includes Laugh-Tooter) starts cracking up. A butterfly appears and the score's aggressive 5/4 time transitions to a heavenly choir sound. Frodo gets the world's nastiest staph infection from a Morgul blade and Strider's all, "We need to get his ass to Rivendell so we can treat this with some universal healthcare cuz I don't have the schmeckles to pay for this."ġ:04:56 - 1:07:26: The booming French horns indicate we're back in Isengard watching the orcs level up. Strings screech, horns burp, people chant. so beautifully put it, "You don't have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you'd have to be stupid not to."ġ:01:15 - 1:04:55: With "Strider" in tow, the dumbass hobbits light a fire and thereby attract the attention of the Nazgul. I manage to keep it together until my husband leans in and whispers, "Did that guy just laugh-toot?" I spend the next several minutes shaking with silent laughter while hot tears stream down my face. Pip narrowly avoids getting a face full of poop, which sparks laughter from the audience and a loud, accidental fart from the balcony neighbor sitting to my right. 0:44:35: Frodo and Sam literally run into Merry and Pippin.
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